I actually cannot believe how much I hate chemistry. Like I actually have a serious hate for it. And it's so weird because I love math-type puzzles, and just math generally. But it's just like, it's hard to do math calculations when you don't have a deep understanding as to what you are calculating. Like whats a freaking mole? And what is a beta ray? And how come it changes elements when you put a ray through something? And which one causes skin cancer. I CAN'T. I actually get so mad at these stupid problems. And the fact the tests are timed and even if you beg and plea you cannot get another minute. And sometimes I need that extra minute because I didn't finish calculations or I didn't double check it. Or I was searching my brain for the formula. It's unfair. Time tests suck especially when have of the concepts on the test are freaking self taught. I go in for tutoring and it just makes me more frustrated because instead of help he tells me where it is in the book, and where in my notes it is. If the solution to my inability to understand chemistry was so simple to find, do you not think I would understand it by now? I would. Because I use text books, and I try and study and I look over my notes. Again, and again, and again, and again. I need another person to TEACH it to me. To go over it with me. To help me have an actual understand instead of just re-layering the same text that is supposed to help me learn the material. BUT THAT IS NOT HOW I LEARN. I love algebra and geometry and math because I had a really awesome 8th grade math teacher. I used to actually dislike math, and love science (the tables have for sure turned. ironically of course, seeing that math and science are cross curriculum subjects...) either way, I'm good at math because, my teacher would not go on until everyone, and I mean EVERYONE knew what they were doing. They didn't just keep on trucking because they were running out of time. Every question I had, she could answer in a way I could understand. I would always ask why something worked, she could explain it to me. If I even try to ask why in chemistry I get a "well you see, if you understand molar mass and why there is 6.07 trillion mega rays in a hydrogen atom with 77.0002 mass then you would get how many Cheetos have thirty three grams of sodium on a Wednesday. I sound like I'm exagerating but sometimes that's how I see chemistry. HOW CAN YOU TELL ME I SHOULD KNOW THESE THINGS IF YOU NEVER TAUGHT THEM. SHOULD I BE READING THE TEXT BOOK COVER-TO-COVER?! No. And everyone is like "just go into grade level classes it's soooo easy" but it's like ehhhh. I don't want easy. Easy wont help me on the STAAR, easy wont help me on the PSAT or the SAT or the LMNOP like bleeeeeegggghhhhh. I JUST WANT TO GRADUATE AND GO TO COLLEGE. BUT IT'S HARD TO DO THAT WHEN I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY PUTTING A GAMMA RAY THROUGH HELIUM TURNS IT INTO NITROGEN.
Okay that's it. I'm dropping out. (okay not actually that would only create more problems. and more tears.)
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